Almost...

My days always start out better when it comes to diet and then go downhill as the day passes. It's usually the 4-5 pm curse where I crave any form of chocolate and no one can stand in my way.

Breakfast: Egg white with salsa, cup of fat free cottage cheese and some blueberries
Snack: Protein shake (which by the way they are fabulous, cheap, low sugar and low carb, 30g protein and delicious!)
Lunch: Self-made tuna with some celery, spices and a little bit of fat free miracle whip.
Then it goes downhill! Shopping turns into finding cheap chocolate and buying food on the way home! 

Anyways, I have started hot yoga but I wouldn't technically consider it "Bikram-hot" since it is in the 30 something Celsius temperatures. I feel I improve each time I do it and I feel great, minus the soaked clothes. And if there's one thing I loathe, it is sweat and lots of it there is! I even found non-grip socks/gloves for my yoga sessions. Every Tuesday/Thursday is my goal!

I'd say it was quite a non-productive day and the way it's ending, I rather just go to sleep! The list goes on, and you know what they say, when it rains it pours. Everyday is a struggle when it comes to figuring out current events. I LOVE my current jobs and ADORE my bosses and employees. As much as I do respect and enjoy each and every one of them, I go on with my days with a major void inside of me. I unlike perhaps others knew exactly what I wanted to do since I was little, and it was to work in a hospital. Perhaps to others, it's just another paycheque or another job, but it took me literally SEVEN years to find this career path and love it and pursue it. And to have worked so hard for it, graduate with honors and to not achieve what I wanted... well let's just say you're spirit gets crushed. Flat. Can't even see it anymore.

I haven't given up yet. There are good days. There are bad days. The bad days, I think to myself... what could I have done better? Should I have sucked up more? Why did I fail? What's wrong with me? Then there are good days, and those usually involve the support of my family, my babies (4 legged kind) and friends. Those friends who stuck around when my attitude wasn't so great, who knew that that negativity truly isn't ME. Others have come and gone, the ones that left when my spirit and optimism disappeared, the ones who didn't want to be around that so-called "negativity". It's difficult to explain, but I felt as though I had to be on my best behavior otherwise I would be closely watched to make sure I was bubbly and not a loose canon. It makes me quite sad because I could never have been myself. The disappointment over that is overwhelming but it is not outweighed by the friends that I have in my life now. So here's to you guys, the love and support is 100% mutual and will always be reciprocated.

On a lighter note, I bought this wonderful tea that's basically white tea, cinnamon and sage, and tastes wonderful. I will be taking a note from a fellow friend/blogger and trying to drink it (replace it with coffee) in the morning.

Tomorrow: Tea, Resume drop offs, visit with friends perhaps, and yoga! Plus it's a big TV night.  Thursday rocks ya'll.

-M <3